Jaundice-d

HepaTittis is not as glamorous as it sounds you know
Things you don't usually hear unless you have jaundice :

The Doctor :

*_* After seeing the Hepatitis Virus count. "It's Alivvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

Everyone :

*_* "So what colour did you pee today?"

*_* "Your Liver is in danger."

Mom :

*_* Shall I make your "usual" - Idli?

*_* "Pls pls pls swear to me you won't eat egg puffs at College."

You know who :

*_* "So that means you still won't die?"

Kismet:

*_* "Vishnu Gowthem won't be eating chicken for five months" :(

P.S. Never never never ever offend the nurses. They can do a lot of things. A lot.

P.P.S . And It hurts too.

A Serious Post

Foreword :
Ok, this is a serious post. Seriously guys. A very very very serious post. And it is as written as serious as possible by a serious person. Or thinking again, its rather a post on a serious topic. Either ways, its serious. So read it on a serious note. 


Now when you were young, you probably had English Paper II. And you had also probably written a lot of general essays in that subject. Most often the topic for these essays would have been one of the following :


1.Poverty/Overpopulation/Unemployment/Other problems the government didn't give a damn about.
2.Pollution. Lots of Pollution.
3.If you were the Prime Minister/President/CM/Some one of this country.
4.The book you recently read/ The place you recently visited/ The dash you recently dash,etc..
5.Your Ambition/desire in life/Blah blah blah.


Now the kids who thought too much on 1 and 3 became director Shankar, Capt. Vijayakanth, Arjun, fans of director Shankar, Capt. Vijayakanth, Arjun etc..
Kids who did 4 went on to read the Harry Potter series.
Kids who chose 5 forgot what they wrote.
And the rest of them did 2.
Anyways, having grown up(A few of us think I do), I m gonna do the grown up thing and give fundas on all the topics.


Unemployment :
Unemployment is defined as the state of being jobless. 
It was a state of embarrassment/pity/lucklessness before. Now it is THE coolest thing now and you have a very good chance of landing a super figure like Tamanna or Trisha if you are jobless according to the Indian Cinema.
And I bet 100 bucks no one told you too that Engineers are the most unemployed/wrongly employed people all over the world, when you were young. Ha ha now.


Poverty/ Overpopulation :
There is a reason why I combined these specific topics. There were links among others too. But these are what you call "contrapositive" in mathematics. If India is a poor nation, it is also Overpopulated nation. If it is not Overpopulated, it means India is not poor.


Proof : A short visit to the super market tells you that a 10-piece pack of Super Strength Intensity (written Verbatim) type.. errrr "Safety" things... cost 60 bucks. Which means the average Indian couldn't afford roughly 6(or 12) bucks a night, to prevent the personification of irritating wailing from materialising. India IS a poor nation. I rest my case.


PS. As to how or why I knew such details, I want you to know that unlike other people,
I care about my country. Chak De India!


Pollution :
Pollution. Easily the most often written essay of everyone's childhood. All of us wrote it. We don't know why we wrote it. We just did it. Just like the statutory warning on a pack of cigarettes, It didn't matter then, Doesn't matter now, Never will. 
Kudos to people who did it again in your Environment Engineering paper.


Prime Minister/ President :
I wrote this essay and meant it when I was young. Somehow over the years, politics became one of the most hated things to me. I just hate em. hate em. yuck yuck yuck. Hate em. (No prizes on guessing as to how I got into college. shhhh!) Hate em!


The book I recently read :
Hitler's Mein Kampfffff... yawwwwwwwwwwnnnn.. Must read guys..


The dash you recently dash :
Use your imagination. In the comments section. (No dirty humor please. Families watch this blog. :) )


Ambition in life :

When I went to junior school,
I said, "I wanna be a doctor".
But again, I was a real big fool,
And I became an Engineer with a proctor.


So I was very sad, even though Engineering wasn't that bad,
Cos I don't wanna be glad, simply living off my dad.
I wanted a job, that would make me happy bob,
Not some slob, who no one would care to rob!


So, I asked myself a few questions,
Questions as to what I should do with my life,
My life, that had seen so many suggestions,
Suggestions that now said, "All you need is a beautiful wife". :)


So like everyone else, I noted duly,
And said, I wanna be with Angelina Jolie,
Again I ended up being sad,
Having lost this time to stupid Brad. :|

Have a serious day. 

Only half the world knows.

Drunken N.Americans who don't wake up by noon even on a Friday,
Complacent cricket loving Indians,
Djemba Djemba,
Late night Australian and Chinese Porn viewers,
Partying Russians on a Friday night,
Nose-pressed Japanese who have it further pressed on pillows,
Wake up!
The Netherlands have beaten Brazil. :)


Just realized, how beautiful a country Netherlands really is. They are popular for coffee shops, kinky sex, windmills and football. Absolutely brilliant! :D

The English Curry..

A Preview of the British Dailies tomorrow...

CHEATED! And then BEATEN! 

...

We got cheated. And then we got beaten. 
An array of English superstars end probably their last world cup, to a blitzkrieg German attack. Thoroughly outplayed for the first 30 minutes by the Germans, going down 0-2, with Podolski and Klose scoring, the English showed courage to pull a goal back, through makeshift comedy defender Matthew Upson to make it 1-2. And immediately a minute later, Chelsea's heart and soul, Frank James Lampard chipped the ball over the German goalkeeper, from the edge of the area. Clearly, the ball hit the crossbar and bounced off more than a foot inside the goal-line, but the complacent referee and the linesmen, against millions of English fans (minus Manchester United fans) refused to believe their eyes, as to whether Lampard could do that! 
...
" We believed Frank Lampard could not do that and we trusted our instincts. Do you think the replays could be morphed? ", commented Referee Jorge Labbadia when asked about the controversy. Now, could they be morphed?
...
When suggested, " That.. Goal.. Referee.. Not Allow..", cried Lampard, having found the net or rather the line this time, after 34 shots and 2 world cups. 
...
From there, England failed to realise it takes only 10 seconds to score a goal through a counter attack. And eventually, ended up getting defeated 4-1, after Thomas Mueller scored a brace....


ENGLAND IN ROO-INS 
...
England's Talisman, Wayne Mark Rooney seemed off color today (as well), like he had been the last few matches. He failed to provide the much needed firepower for The Three Lions. He kept losing the ball, didn't have a single proper shot or chance at goal (very unlikely), and didn't set up anyone for a goal either. 
...
When asked for his poor display at the world cup, Rooney told our reporter, " We acted like a buncha clowns out there. Clearly, Milner is an idiot. He provided no proper cross nor pass. And Gerrard on the other wing, doesn't want a Manchester United player to score! "
...
" Frank's shot was in. Did I see it? Yes. Did I believe it? No. "
...
" Yes. My performance was dismissive too! Need a Punch? :-@ ". Our reporter moved out before things got out of hand and the locker room burst to flames seconds after...


Another Day, Another World, ENGLAND WIN THE WORLDCUP 
...
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2867977/England-are-champs-of-sex-scandal-World-Cup.html


Further HUMILIATION
...
"Gimme English citizenship and I ll win the world cup for ya guys in 2014", says Brazilian born Liverpool Mudfielder, Lucas Leiva...


CATALYST Mixup
...
When asked why England couldn't go through, the Italian had this to say, "We obviously had a goal disallowed. And I should have started with Emile Heskey. He is so the perfect catalyst for Wayne. Defoe was prosaic. And why didn't I hear of Dawson before?"
...
Enough with the catalyst stuff Fabio. Wake up. Heskey is a reserve player for his club, Aston Villa?!? 
Darren Bent scored 24 goals last season. Heskey has never scored more than 20 goals even with 2 years combined. And he is the catalyst?...


The INDIAN View
...
Clearly, the Rooneys, Gerrards, Terrys were outplayed by the Oezils, Muellers and Podolskis today. But what that disallowed goal has done is, it has provided the much-needed alibi for the British. And you really can't say things would have been the same too, had that goal been allowed. 
Yes, Germany scored two after that, but they merely extended a lead under no pressure whatsoever. 2-2 at Half time could have been a whole different ball game. And we know what Rooney could do, (especially Lamps) if everyone around him starts scoring. 
So, did the British lose because of that goal? Maybe. Maybe not. 
Thus the simple beauty of arguments, it could overshadow even the weak, battered defence lines of the English... :D

Watching the Worldcup with my cricket-enamored Mom

"No ma, India is not playing."


"No ma, that doesn't mean they didn't enter the the competition by not registering for it. We didn't qualify."


"Yes ma, but Australia play in the Worldcup."


"No ma, don't worry. I don't think they will win the worldcup."


"No ma, this is a different Ronaldo. Not the hare-teethed Brazilian."


"No ma. I wasn't seeing AXN, I was simply changing channels during the half time break."


"No ma, I don't think India will qualify for 2014 too, unless they host. (and Brazil are already doing it.)"


"The goalkeepers wear a different jersey to be differentiated from the other players ma. They both are the from the same team."


"Yes ma. I didn't understand that the first time too. (offside rule)"


"Yes ma, Pakistan didn't qualify either." :D


"Yes ma, I ll go and sleep now."
And 10 minutes later, the hall light flickers on. :)

Singam! Singam! He's Durai Singam!

Happy Birthday da Narayana. :)


May god provide you with all the knowledge in the world,
Make you proficient in all the Android games ever and to-be created,
Bless you with someone you feel who ll "Totally agree" with you,
And prevent you from deleting further program files folders in windows.
Amen.