He-Who-Must-Not-Commentate !!

What do you remember of the recently concluded Indian Premier League?

Yes, the Cheerleaders were great.

Then?

Chennai Super Kings won the IPL. Athough speculations of match-fixing did arise on this particular edition (Finally! I had been saying tat ever since Dravid started hitting sixes for RCB in IPL 2!), be that as it may be, "hey we won it fair and square!"

Anyways, this post isn't about how Raina sweated to his underpants to help Chennai lift the trophy or who Preity Zintha might have been boinking recently, but it is about one man and ONE man only.

And for the love of god, it isn't Lalit Modi.

The man who has been every child and adult's nightmare recently.

He who has mentally scarred me for life, even with the very little cricket i saw and unfortunately heard,

He who makes Sachin Tendular's magnifique batting seem like a great movie with a bad re-recording,

He who would have made Shakespeare and Marlowe, realise English could be made to sound irritating too,

He who makes me hit the wall so hard with my head, that Birla Cements might reconsider their chemical formula,

Yes, I AM talking about LAKSHMAN SIVARAMAKRISHNAN.

He is one of those guys who you would love to have him as your neighbor, so you can go and beat him up as and when you wish. (Now say "Its a DLF Maximum!, you @#$@!^%$ ")

Disclaimer : I don't give a furry rat's tiny ass if you find this offending Mr.L.S.

Technically speaking, its not grammar or pronunciation that Siva lacks. But COMMON SENSE, which he tries to cover it up with stupid jokes. And fails. Miserably. He also has that you-wanna-hit-him-first-thing accent. I can put what Siva does in these words, which I read somewhere, but I m not able to remember :

"He often attacks the context at work with a mixed flair of incredible genius and utter stupidity, its often difficult to separate which is which."

Just a crazy thought for a moment. If L.S had been commentating for the EPL, instead of the IPL ?

1. Siva : "Thats the first goal for MAN U Andy. (Pause) And the first goal for Berbatov as well." Andy Gray : Huh.
2. With Van Der Sar, the ball is always in the air. "That ball traveled in the air for a long time." doesn't augur too well.
3. Barclays Moment of Success sounds stupid and it is too.
4. Now, Liverpool can add to their list of reasons(apart from "1.Lucas") why their season was such a flop.
5. The injured Rooney would remain injured.
6. Its Arjen Robben, not Arjun Robben!
7. Shebby Singh would roll over and act dead.
8. Chelsea will still defend with 9 men.
9. FIFA would crash every time you start a game, before it says "Its Andy Gray and Martin Tyler Lakshman Sivaramakrishnan!"

But hey who knows, Madrid might sign him to be Spain's leading spokesman. (Ok I m not going that crazy here.) :D

However in reality, (he is still commentating) he is often made to sound good, thanks to Ranjit Fernando and Rameez Raja. They just make you wanna pull your hair out. Literally. Ranjit can't have enough of Sangakkkkkkkara and Jayassssuriya, while Rameez is in a class of his own. :D

"Two overs left. That's 12 balls folks!" -Rameez Raja (Wow!)

There is also Arun Lal who seem obsessed with 'pressure' - pressure situation, under pressure shot, pressure this, pressure that. But had you asked me, why my anger/irritation zeroed in on Lakshman Sivaramakrishnan, I wouldn't have an answer. (Must be the specs probably.)

Thats how it is with someone you don't like. You really can't explain why you hate them at times and when I say u can't explain, I dont mean there isn't a reason. There is just too many to choose from. You simply hate them. period.

PS. Ergo, must be the stupidity i guess.