That means not you, M.K.Sarvesh Ghautham, who keeps changing mobile phones faster than Manchester City's starting 11 or you, people who own those nothing-cud-happen-brick-like-phones.
Now although the vice versa is true, why does everything have to be a her? So I, Vishnu Gowthem Thangaraj assume mobile phones to be a he. Covering as much as organisational behavior, attributes, ownership activities and physics as possible,
1. For starters, Mobile phones love gravity. They are in a relationship with gravity infact. And like any guy, he just keeps falling over and over again. And the worst part is everything happens in slow mo as well... .. .
Without any warning, the mobile slips out of your hand.
Its in free fall.
you extend your arm.
you cry a muffled noooooo.
you can almost feel it in your outstretched palm.
You would think at some point you can surely catch it before it falls.
But you cant. you fail.
And without any command, shitty dismantles itself.
2. Phones are like prophets. They try and warn you. I mean how often do you accidentally cut an incoming call, while coming out of the message inbox?! Not to mention the famous your-call-will-be-disconnected-due-to-insufficient-balance?! But again with too much money(balance), like any prophet, it turns nithyanandha and it lets you make that call you shouldn't have.
Tut-tut.
3.Immaterial of the size, mobiles always get misplaced/lost. You leave them in all sorts of places. The bank you visited in the morning. The refrigerator you took iced tea from. The washroom time you spent pondering on world economy. Of course you could call it from another number and locate it. Its just simply too much work.
Its the washroom or wait till someone calls :)
5. Your phone probably has a speaker or mic or some kinda opening and if no one told you, the bloody Besant nagar beach sand seeps in when its windy. Now I carry my thai mannu everywhere I go. Literally.
6. Handle cell phones carefully in a restaurant or a pub. Before you know it, there it is, smiling at you from a glass of water. (And although imaginative, bubbles do not come if you call your mobile then)
Now, I understand talking over the phone while driving bikes. Its like we are hard pressed for time at that moment. And its not that dangerous if you are a good driver. The same can't be said for your mobile though.
Tips to use mobiles safely while driving rashly as you want :
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7. Never keep phones in your upper shirt pocket while driving. Keep it on the fuel tank between your legs if you wanna use them. Your thighs will protect it from jumping out. Fail to comply and the shiny mouse like thing speeding past your bike in the next speed breaker is your mobile phone sliding on the road! zzzzzooooooooooing.
9. And try reducing talking while driving during rains alone. Hands can get slippery and the damn phone slips. And falls on the mud. And if you are as lucky as I am, you get to drive over the poor little thing like a speed breaker. And if you are really as lucky as me, nothing still happens to your phone!
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10. Exercise aarva-kolaru people be careful of sweating. Mobile phones act like a battery-weak terminator as a result of sweat water. Stop running to the service center and put it on charge. The heat dries the sweat up and phone works like a charm. :)
11. Yes I have already established the mobiles's (ya ya I know its written wrongly. :P) relationship with gravity, now I m gonna talk about his mistress. Fate. Yes the ruddy thing falls down often. Where?
On the carpet, on the road, on you, on me, everywhere. But also on the dark theater floor once the lights go off or beneath the legs of a lady sitting in a restaurant, near enough that you could take it by yourself without asking her but also far enough that you could miss and grab her ankle and look like a pervert. Uh oh.
12. Mobiles and pride. The guy with the new mobile is undoubtedly a prick. He doesn't let sight of his mobile, gets a scratch guard from the bazaar, keeps it very safely inside the pocket like nestling a baby in a cradle, he licks it clean and does a lot of gay stuff too. After a few drops (mobile) , he turns straight.
13. Missing/Not working keys! This is perhaps the most normal natural calamity that can happen.
That single key which has to be pressed harder than the others or the rare case where you cud use sharp objects (like a stylus?) inside missing keys to press them or that key which is responsible for going to the previous menu stops working and makes u press the total cancel key (red one) each time and start afresh are like your future kids. Small things that irritate you initially. But later you get used to living with them.
14. One fine day, you go to college and give your mobile to a friend, thinking you will be altruistic for a change. And the next thing you know, you watch him shout/insult/dare a customer care representative to bar your number permanently. classic.
17. Pragmatically, most Indians live with a fear that mobile phones will be stolen in a public place. So they try protecting that crappy 1100 with more effort than required to earn the money to purchase the mobile in the first place. In offbeat situations wherein their mobiles do get stolen, they turn all sad and gloomy. For a 1100? really?
psst, Incase its a 5k+ mobile post it in FML.
18. You could be a member of the fall-on-bed-ouch-what-bit-my-ass-oh-its-my-mobile club.
20. Look here dear. Straight into the lens. Smile now. Say cheeseeee. Crap.
21. When the Canadian lady next to you on the flight, uses an Iphone 4, its best not to take our mobile out. Right. Mr.Embarrassment has finally arrived.
22. Certain All humans (yes we can call them that) who are in relationships talk hours over the phone with their inamorata. And at times when things get rough, certain people have a habit of venting out their anger by throwing things. And more than most its the communication device in their hand.
Note: beware of penny-pinchers in relationships, they just might get angry over their mobile. keep it in their pockets and throw the happen-to-pass you's mobile on the floor. "These women! cha", they bark and leave.
24. Mobiles can get very very hot on prolonged usage while charging.
Solution? Mooditu, cut the phone call.
